A Lifetime of Lessons: Don't put your expectations on older adults

We’ve all heard older people lamenting about ageing bodies, or struggling to follow conversations in noisy cafes, or worried about driving at night - and of course the constant reminder that the memory isn’t what it used to be. Now that I am in the older adult age bracket myself though, those issues that I used to hear other people dealing with are now becoming issues that I am having to deal with!

And I must admit I have a better appreciation of what they were experiencing now that I am going through it too. While I agree all these areas - memory, physical changes, vision and hearing - become more challenging with age, I see that a lot of older adults put limitations on themselves and don't continue to push themselves and take a chance on something new. I also see other people putting limitations on the older adults around them, and stop them from taking chances.

There is no rule book to say what we should do, or what we should look like, or how we should act as we get older (or at any age for that matter). And I dislike it intensely when I hear someone say, "She shouldn't be doing that at her age." Where do these ideas come from about how someone should behave at each stage of life? It makes me sad when I hear comments like these, as I see people limiting what they want to do, and looking down on those around them who don’t have those limits. Where is the freedom to choose who you want to be, regardless of your age?

Yes, as we get older our bodies and brains are changing and we have to be mindful of that. We have to be a little more careful, and sometimes things take a little longer, but that is no reason why we should not continue to do all the things that we did in our 50s and 60s (or 30s and 40s!). It really does eat at your self-esteem when someone well-meaning continues to question you, and you can end up doubting and second guessing yourself. If I find myself in that position, I fill my mind with positive statements about myself to negate the negative ones I’m hearing, so I can keep moving through my day.

I admire immensely people in their 80s and 90s that are still challenging themselves and doing daring things, like jumping out of a plane, trying a new hairstyle, or attending an exercise class for the first time. Life is too short to be worrying about what other people think or say about you, and it’s a restrictive way to live if you’re being ruled by the expectations of the people around you.

Over the last couple of years I have spent time re-evaluating my life and thought about what is important to me. I've made conscious decisions to move myself in the direction I want to go. It involves a few new things, as well as letting go of a few old things, and has also involved a healthy amount of just sitting and reflecting. But now if I get the opportunity to tackle something new that I haven't done before, and that moves me forward towards who I want to be, I do it without thought to perceptions or reactions or expectations.

So, one thing I have learned is this - know yourself and your limitations, but keep challenging yourself and pushing those limitations. Don’t be ruled by expectations, and don’t put your expectations on others. Let’s celebrate our differences and encourage one another, so we can all march to the beat of our own drum.